I’m sitting here, it’s 8:10am Friday morning and I’m watching The Dog Whisperer, Caesar Milan comforts me! 🙂 Haha…I always learn a new technique to use with the dogs.
Also every time he says to be “calm and assertive” it reminds me it’s a universal rule for every aspect of your life.
Be calm and assertive.
Yesterday I had a “moment”. Nani didn’t do to well yesterday, she had very low energy, didn’t walk much, didn’t eat much and slept a lot. I also had to get used to the idea of giving her IV fluids. It terrified me. Not the needle, but the idea of hurting her bothers me.
I think it’s finally hit me that she is dying and I really, cannot save her. If she’s lost her will to live it’s her doing. She is in some pain that I cannot understand or perceive. Dogs cannot speak and it’s basically a guessing game as to why she’s really deteriorating. Also, tests and vet visits are expensive. We’ve seen the vet three times going on four, in one month alone, it’s totaling about $1,000.
So, yesterday, before Josh came home from work, I had to work-out to relieve myself of tension. I knew the moment was coming and I’d have to give her fluids. I was panicking-what if I stuck her wrong? What if I couldn’t do it?
Josh watched me in my panic and he told me I could do it. He held her and I was about to cry…again! But I didn’t. I chickened out once and then took a deep breath and put the needle in her. She cried out once and tried fighting Josh, she has energy in her to fight, for sure.
Five minutes later it was over, but I was bummed because I knew I had to do it again, today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow…
Last night, she settled in the crook of Josh’s arm as he read a book on his iPad. She started snoring softly and I snapped a picture. I have many photos of Nani-Girl, so my memories of her will always be fresh in my mind. But I know Josh will want picture of her and him together 🙂
I woke up this morning and realized she wasn’t on the bed. Josh said she never moved from her own bed on the floor last night, which is rare. Nani-Girl always made it to our bed sometime during the night, or walked around to my side so I would pick her up to put her on the bed. This morning Josh picked her up and placed her beside me and I thought how much she’s just skin and bones.
Before Josh went to work this morning I said out loud, “When do people decide to put their dog down?”
I was watching her outside on our grass as Josh talked about either letting her die naturally in our home not knowing what pain she’s going through, or saying to ourselves, she’s lived a good life and is wasting away now and there is nothing we can do and make the decision to put her down.
I let her roam around the grass in the morning so she can pee in the morning, but these days I sit and watch at the window to see if she can stand. She may sit there for a long time before standing, wobbling and finding her spot to pee.
I don’t know when I’ll decide to put her down. I’m glad I have Josh with me to deal with this-he keeps me calm and sane.
Okay, time to give Nani-Girl some love and Sky a walk outside.