Thank you all for reading my blogs about Nani-Girl, it’s cathartic and I hope if you are a pet owner, you’re dog never gets SARDS. It’s a horrible condition because there is no help for it, not too many vets deal with it, which is a very sad thing. It’s hard to watch your pet die so slowly…I hope more research goes into it.
I couldn’t give Nani-Girl her IV the past 2 days, but I did try. But the fluid kept seeping out and I’m not a vet tech or nurse, I wasn’t sure what I was doing wrong and I didn’t want to stab her anymore. Instead Josh and I went back to dropping water in her throat via a dropper. I also gave her pretty good helpings of watery dog food, and she did eat most of it which I thought was fairly good compared to some other days.
Yesterday Josh and I talked about euthanizing her, it’s more humane, it keeps her from suffering but part of me is afraid to give up, what if she has a bit of chance? She’s only 9 years old, some dogs live longer. What if she’s just depressed and something can be helped?
We decided that today when I went in for the vet re-check with her, if Dr. K says not much can be done, then we will euthanize. So just in case, we said our I love you’s and good byes to her and thanked her for being our companion.
But I had nightmares all last night. Josh put her in the bed between us since it could be the last time she sleeps between us. I woke up a lot last night and found her head resting on Josh’s back, and then lower later on his thigh.. 🙂 Too cute.
Then morning had come, and I heard Josh saying his goodbyes again. She barely woke up-wouldn’t open her eyes. I realized today was the day I would save her or lose her…the stress of it. But most likely lose her.
And then Josh left for work and I lay awake touching her fur, tracing my hands over her and following the path of her protruding bones. I think she’s very dehydrated because her lips curl back from her gums.
I got up, carried her down the stairs and outside the door. Sky did her business and Nani stayed on the grass. I knew she needed to pee. She peed on the rug the other night, so I know she can still go. I was about to pick her up and save her the trouble of trying when I put my hands under her and lifted, fixed her legs for her and held her until she got her balance. She walked a few inches and squatted. I cheered 🙂 I cherish all her victories!
I picked her up and put her back inside on the blanket that’s on the floor. I went to the kitchen and saw her with open eyes, ears perked. Hmm…she hears me in the kitchen…maybe she’s hungry this morning? Without thinking about it twice, I made her a pretty good helping of watered down wet dog food and brought some wet napkins and her water dropper with me.
She ate about 3/4ths of the food before trying to move away from me. See, I know Nani Girl has some fight in her…she fights when she gets an IV, she fights when I wipe her beard after a meal, she’s sensitive STILL. I gave her a minute then used the dropper to get some water in her. I got about 8-10ml in her, most small dogs need at least a cup or 1 1/2 cups of water in their bodies. So she’s very dehydrated.
We went to the vet and I was trying not to cry. There were 2 puppies there and everyone was laughing and smiling and I was holding a practically dead dog in my arms. Ugh…so hard. Almost cried when one of the staff came to pet her and asked what was wrong. I said SARDS and she was very sympathetic but I didn’t want to lose it in the waiting room! How embarrassing. Nani perked up because she’s afraid of the vet’s office, so she got alert really fast.
Dr. K looked very worried and I was fine until we started talking about what to do with her. We were waiting for her lab results, but I talked about euthanizing and started crying. Geez. Sina, the vet tech took Nani from me to give her fluids, I heard her cry out in the back…(sigh…better them than me doing it). Dr. K was honest. She said she’d lost weight and she’s not doing too well. I told her how much she regressed this past week. When she said if I wanted to euthanize now I was like…”I don’t know, how does this work?”
Poor Dr. K. I said I wanted to know her results and if the steroid therapy is an option I want to try it before euthanizing. She said I could leave her there tonight, they can start the steroids if Dr. Plechner (the one studying SARDS) advises it should be done. I said okay because I know she’s in good hands at the vet. We got the results and sure enough her Cortisol and Estrogen is high, her thyroid levels and her immunology (ivg, etcc..) was low. We don’t know what it means, but Dr. K said she’ll supplement her thyroid and contact Dr. Plechner about the steroids.
Is it crazy to hope? I don’t know…it’s my one last try at something…even if it’s nothing. Dr. K. said they’ll observe her and if she isn’t doing well, then we will take the next step and euthanize. Will my heart break any more than it has? I think I will be at peace knowing I tried everything. If I didn’t then I’d question my actions.
I will call Dr. K at 4:00pm today before the office closes to check out her progress and how Nani is doing. We will know tomorrow if anything is working for her.
Emotional day? Hell yes. But when I came home, someone was waiting for me at the door…Sky was so excited, over excited to see me because she has separation anxiety and hates being alone. She jumped on me to say hello, I let her outside but she looked back and barked when I didn’t follow her so I let her back in (she’s such a circus of energy!), then she jumped on me again. She ran and grabbed her caterpillar toy and wagged her tail…how can I stay sad with this dog trying to cheer me up?! HAHA!
Instead of sitting on my couch crying (I left the most awful tearful message on Josh’s work phone and cried driving home)…I grabbed that caterpillar toy, took Sky outside and ran with her back and forth in the sunshine.
Life goes on, it always does. You know when people say there is always light at the end of the tunnel? That’s true but I think it’s also accurate to say there is LIFE at the end of the tunnel. Sky’s there and I see her bright and clear. 🙂