This morning I was thinking about Thanksgiving dinner. My sister says I should have it at my house and for some reason this morning I was thinking about the logistic of how we’d have it here. I have a small house and my dad has all the tables and chairs so that would mean a lot of traveling between my house and their’s which can be about 30-45 minutes commute just to transport those things.
Then I started thinking of the menu. A lot of the older people in my family don’t like turkey. Or stuffing…or American Thanksgiving food. I started making it for Bobby when I was married to him. We loved Thanksgiving.
Which then made me finally look at the calendar. Thanksgiving falls on his death anniversary. In 2007 when he died, the 24th was after Thanksgiving. This year, it IS Thanksgiving.
I had told Josh yesterday that I am noticeably better about my grief. We were watching Anderson Cooper‘s talk show which featured grieving and loss, so that’s why we were talking about it. I know how to look at that time in my past for what it was, an accident that was truly shocking, horrific and traumatic to me for awhile now. But now I can grieve without it hurting so much. Instead of cry now, I laugh. I remember stuff about Bobby and I laugh. He hated tears but he LOVED laughing. So I try to honor his memory that way and still not a day goes by that I don’t think of him at least once a day. I don’t think that will ever go away.
Every time his anniversary comes around I usually relive that day in painful clarity. This year I vow to gloss over those details. I almost don’t know who I was then…I feel like such a different person now. Metamorphosis. I’ve changed in ways I didn’t like at first, but now I’ve learned to come to peace with. I’m a little more wary, not as adventurous (because I know what danger means now), I’m more anxious (but I’m learning to lessen that with Josh, he helps me calm down)…and I’m not calm (not like how before when everyone thought I was so Zen).
So Thanksgiving and Bobby’s Anniversary….hmmmm….sounds complicated (with the feelings part at least).
As for the menu: Turkey, Green Bean Casserole (Bobby’s FAVORITE!), Stove Top stuffing, Cranberry Sauce, Candied Yams and Pumpkin Bread. I can ask others to bring other dishes too like Pumpkin Pie and filipino food because if I’m cooking all the other stuff I don’t have time for that.
Just thinking about all this makes me think this party will go better at my mom’s house! LOL…they have the equipment, more than one fridge and so much more space…
Maybe I should buy the turkey and then it’ll be easier….(?) hmmmm….lots of questions….
The thing with my turkey is that people like when I use the Williams-Sonoma Brine…it’s oh so good. Actually Williams-Sonoma is my favorite store during the holidays! The aromas wafting out of that store is HEAVENLY.
Last year I had Pennsylvania thanksgiving dinner at Josh’s aunt house and the food was to die for. There were different pies and her candied yams were amazing, it’s why I had to make it for Christmas last year. I’m craving it as I type this post!
When I went to Kansas for Thanksgiving after Bobby died, I had the pleasure of eating pumpkin bread…yummmmm and banana pudding with nilla wafers. SO GOOD!!!
Just thinking about Thanksgiving Dinner is making me very hungry. Okay got to do some planning and making a list of ingredients to by…what are you doing for Thanksgiving?