Almost 13 Weeks

Okay so I guess it’s “time” for me to spill the beans.  I don’t know why I’m so reluctant.  Maybe because the secret was with me since December 17th?  Five lovely months after I got married.

I’m sure reluctance is due to the fact that I for one know that in life, ANYTHING can happen.  Things happen within the blink of an eye, some things amazing, some things devastating, so I am guarded.  When something good happens to me, I almost can’t believe it.

But on December 17th, 2011 I found out this:

I wrote a Facebook update a few days ago saying something about “heartbeats are the sweetest thing”.  The people who knew my secret knew what I referred to, those who didn’t took a wild and most accurate guess.

Yes,  I am pregnant.  Or should I say “we” are pregnant since it’s Josh’s baby as well 🙂  Today as I write this I am 12 weeks and 5 days.  And yes I’ve known since December 17th.  Let me tell you how HARD it was to keep this a secret while trying not to gag and throw up at Christmas and birthday parties, which there were many of since I found out I was pregnant.

Were we trying to get pregnant?  Most definitely!  How soon?  Well, after the honeymoon since on our honeymoon trip we barely had time to try, we were so exhausted!  I wanted to try right away for two reasons:

#1- I’m 33 years old going on 34 in November.

#2- I was married to my late husband for four years from 2003-2007.  We never tried to have a baby, it was more like a “if it happens, it happens”.  We used no contraception for 4 years and I never got pregnant.  But I really wanted a baby almost as soon as we got married.  It wasn’t meant to be.

Because of reason #2, before I married Josh I asked him what would happen if I couldn’t conceive with him.  He said we’d adopt.  How could I not love this guy and marry him?  I felt like a failure at pregnancy for the 4 years I was married before.  Something was wrong with ME, I thought.  It wasn’t in my cards.

It’s why this time we tried for a baby so soon after we just got married and I can’t say the day I found out was magical.  To tell the truth, I had caught a bad cold and couldn’t stop sneezing, I felt feverish, my back hurt and I was being a total B****!  I realize now it was the hormones surging in me.  I missed my period on December 15th and I’m so regular, it’s not funny.  So when I missed it, I told a friend/co-worker of mine, who knew my longing to get pregnant as we spent many working hours talking about ways to improve conception (lol…don’t ask) and we crossed our fingers.  Well on the 17th I was so miserable, Josh didn’t understand why I was so and after arguing about something really stupid, I went to the store and bought an EPT pregnancy test, came home drank a glass of water, sat on the toilet and peed on the stick.  The moment my urine hit the stick in turned positive.

I think I was shaking.  I didn’t really believe what I was seeing.  The instructions said to wait 2 minutes!  I didn’t need 2 minutes.  Josh came downstairs and I showed him the stick and he was like…what does it say?  I said it’s positive.  I’m pregnant.

I think he was in shock as I was and then he hugged me and kissed me on the forehead.  We were like….holy, moly, what have we done?! LOL…..Us?  Parents?

Of course I told my sister, my best friends and made an appointment to see the doctor.

I can’t believe that was two months ago!

In the two months I have:

*been moody, crying, whining, happy, depressed, bitchy even more

*nauseous…YUCK.  No vomiting thank goodness, but I gag at the smell of the sink, the smell of raw chicken, the smell of fried chicken, the smell of a public restroom, the smell of anything that I just don’t want to leave the house.  Even the smell of unwashed hair made me want to hurl.  I can gladly say that the nausea is 95% gone this week!!!  Hurray!

* always in the bathroom- I pee all day.  To the point Josh was amazed at how much toilet paper we are going through.  But even the peeing isn’t as bad as a month ago.

* Hip pain like I’ve never felt before.  It should have been a clue to me the weekend I did 15 massages that something was really off and it wasn’t just the amount of work I did.  I couldn’t walk after work.  I had trouble getting out of my truck.  I had trouble laying in bed, rolling in bed, getting out of bed.  Pain like I’d never felt-a feeling like my hip joints were coming apart.  The pain lasted all of my first trimester.  It’s starting to get better, but I’m sure it’ll get worse again the bigger I get.

* Food cravings.  For the first month all I wanted was beans.  It’s a wonder why I made chili for two weeks in a row!  I never knew I was pregnant, I just wanted beans.  Then I wanted everything carbs (it helped with my nausea for some reason) and then now I crave fruits and vegetables.  I was baking all kinds of breads in December before the 17th.  Sweets made me gag (not now).  Steak makes me gag (still).  My sister’s amazing baked brie (I almost threw up…and I didn’t know that Brie is a no-no for pregnant women…I guess my body knew!)

*Exhausted-wow…talk about nap taking.  I never take naps and now I find myself always tired.

In my 8th week, I had some very little bleeding and I thought I was going to miscarry.  I was scared.  Worried.  A lot scared, and a lot worried and so I prayed a lot.  I talked to my little bean saying I wanted it to stay.  I thought about how I would feel if I lost it.  I wondered if I was really a failure at this pregnancy thing.  And in a weird way I even thought, of course I would lose it.  Story of my life, right?  I did realize it happened after doing really heavy massages at work.  But we did an ultrasound to check and there was baby, a blob of white and gray on the screen and a heartbeat.

Relief and worry.  A mother’s bane in life I suppose.  It starts at conception.  I’ve worried for two months now that I will be able to carry this child to term.  I still pray I do and I guess it’s why I hesitate to tell the world of my news…”just in case”.  But there’s no turning back now 🙂

And then days ago I heard the beating of his/her heart.  Wow….what a sound. There are two hearts beating in my body.  WOW.  So alien sci-fi ish.  LOL….in a good way.  There’s a home in my womb and I pray its a good home for our baby.  I’m trying to eat right, I walk 3-4 times a week, for 30 minutes just to make sure my circulation is good, that I get fresh air, that I can release my worries and relax a bit and to strengthen my back.  Goodness, I even stopped drinking Coke and I’m miserable about it.  Seriously miserable. 😦

Many people tell me what symptoms they had or didn’t have.  I have them all.  Morning sickness, aching body, headaches, exhaustion, constipation, heartburn, and even now, I’m starting to break out in acne…:-(  The joys of pregnancy.  But if all these symptoms mean I will finally have a baby, then bring it on!  Josh just has to deal with my very emotional state..poor guy.

And everyday I look at my belly in the mirror and each week it seems to change.  I noticed my first belly stretch mark yesterday and I was like…oh wow…that means it’s growing.

My estimated due date is August 21st.  I’ll have a Dragon baby…good luck according to Chinese standards.  Also as my friend reminded me today, it’ll be a Leo baby.  She said Leos are crazy…I dunno, I’m a Scorpio and we can be a little nuts also. I know many Leos and they are not crazy…lol.  We find out the sex of the baby on March 21st, which is a little over a month away!  How amazingly fast time is flying by.  We are SO excited.

I cannot wait.  I can’t believe I’ve been waiting patiently 8 years to have a baby but in that time I had a lot to learn, a lot of ways to grow, a lot of things to overcome.

And by the way, today is Bobby’s birthday.  🙂  If he was alive he’d have been 31.

I’m hoping and praying that this pregnancy goes well.  As Josh reminds me all the time, I have to relax, I have to not worry and stress out so much.  Everything will be alright.  And I pray and hope so.  Got to think positive.

Today, we went to a bowling birthday party, 2 games made me so tired.  I took a nap when I got home.  Also, I ate Nachos, French Fries, Pizza, and half a cupcake.  Eww…when I went home I got myself a Citrus Squeeze from Jamba Juice because I think baby knew I deprived it of nutrients at lunch time! LOL…I got myself a nice leafy green salad.  Oh, it was SOOOOO good.  Fruit and leafy greens is what this baby craves, I swear, not the norm for me for sure.

Another random thing about the party…my eldest nephew Jacob had a moment of “I don’t want the cupcake because it’s girly…”…I said, Say What?!  LOL….So I showed him how the chocolate cupcake Uncle Josh got for us didn’t have any Hello Kitty or pink stuff on it.  All it had was white frosting and some blue lettering.  I asked again if he wanted some.  Oh he nodded so seriously.  I can’t believe he was going to deprive himself of a chocolate cupcake because it was girly..thank goodness he shared it with me, because that frosting was saweeettttt!!!

Alright I’m ending this right here.  I’m watching the Grammys and can’t wait to see Adele perform.  I’ve been “warm” all day…another symptom of pregnancy.

If I don’t post on V Day, well…Happy Valentine’s Day everyone 🙂  xoxo

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7 thoughts on “Almost 13 Weeks

  1. yay I love reading your blogs my friend…it was good catching up with you this weekend:) lots of love to you and Josh I’m sooo happy for you both……. and by the way that bowling ball will be your stomach in a few months!!! LOL 😉

  2. Congratulations Yolanda! I’m so happy for you and Josh. I will be sending prayers your way. I love this. Reading this blog made me think about things myself. Hubby and i have been married over 11 years and had tried to have a baby the first 5-7 years. I felt like a failure too. I also thought to myself, if i ever deserved a child. Having a child or children is a big desire of my heart. Years past, no baby and then i started to think negative. The more in the back of my mind that i can’t conceive the more hurt i got and being a failure i felt. Things have changed now and life is amazing. I may not have a child right now but there is still time, God’s time. If it doesn’t happen hubby and i also talk about adoption or fostering. You are not a failure. You have been through a lot and is a strong and courageous woman. Thank you so much for sharing this. You have inspired me more in my faith and my strength. Mahalo! 😀

    • Thanks Summer! I totally feel you. For so long I just felt like okay, I guess it wasn’t God’s plan to have a baby in my womb and I even started telling my new husband, hey we could just spend the rest of our lives just traveling and enjoy it splurging or something. HAHA…then I thought, I really do want to be a parent. And I think knowing my husband was so open to adoption made me relax a little about the whole thing. Yet even now, every day I worry carrying this child. But I am so not going to take this for granted. I always wondered how some people made babies so easy and not so for me…but you are right. There is so much time and there is so much to do in life. I’ll send prayers your way too! Isn’t it crazy how we judge ourselves in the ability to procreate or not? Women are so hard on themselves but I think that’s just how we were raised. Pregnancy or adoption or even fostering (which is an awesome idea!) will make you an amazing parent someday. The fact that you know it’s in your heart to do it, it will happen. All my love and prayers your way!

      • Thank you so much Yolanda! I do agree in how we do judge ourselves. I also agree on what you said about how easy it is for some ppl to make babies and me not. I have felt like that. it was on God’s Time for you to be having a baby now. Its so amazing how he has plans for your life. All he wants is a relationship with you and for you to have Faith!
        I know you will be an amazing mother. THank you so much for the prayers also. God is So Good! I know that you will have an amazing pregnancy!

  3. I’m very happy n proud for both of you, now I can share to my co-worker your story who’s waiting patiently to hv a baby also. I believe that f it’s meant to be yours it will be, just d matter of time . Congratulation !

    Helenq

    • Thank you Helen! How are you lady? I ran into another girl from Farrington, I won’t say her name though, but we were talking about our pregnancies and she already had a baby when we were in high school. But she’s now with a new boyfriend and it took her 4 years with him to get pregnant, she’s 6 months pregnant right now. We were both saying, wow, sometimes it just happens and sometimes it doesn’t. I know how it feels to wait so long though 😦 It’s sad and it gets discouraging so I hope for your friend 🙂 And I hope you are doing well!

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